Dick Clark….. Enough Already

As I was struggling to keep my eyelids open right before the New Year countdown, I was flipping channels through all the celebratory programs.  And that’s when it happened (pause for dramatic effect) I found Dick Clarks Rockin New Year Eve.  But what was more disturbing was for another year they decided to have Dick Clark piecing together what words he can still pronounce.  I had completely blocked the dreaded memories from last year…. I almost wasted my hard-earned drunkenness trying to count backwards, stomach Dick Clark’s stroke face and suck in my stomach (I was trying to bring in the New Year looking slim and trim).  I told myself I would never watch him again… I was also hoping some of those obnoxious TV viewers who complain about everything would write tons of letters requesting he retire.  Obviously my dreams and wishes were shattered, because there he was.  Completely ignoring the camera man crying like he was watching those flea-bitten kids from a Sally Struthers infomercial. Dick Clark must have some naked photos of the TV exec’s daughter or something.  He obviously isn’t going quietly…. so someone needs to force his ass off TV.  Like I felt bad for him last year, this year I felt bad for myself.    I had deep remorse as I screamed and turned the channel (the batteries in my remote are dying so I had to press real hard and hit it with my hand a few times).  Dicky boy….. enough already.  You had a LONG career and unfortunately it is over.  How about you make a come back on a less important holiday like Administrative Professional Day.  But not the one day that sets the tone for the whole year.  I’m gonna need Ryan Seacrest to lock his ass in the broom closet next year…… for all humanity!