OK, by now we have all rolled out of bed, no thanks to the illegal amount of liquor we all consumed last night. As usual, Being Sober wasnt anyones New Years resolution. Better luck next year…. anywho, it is time to pack 2010 away and hang 2011 on the shelf. I know, I know…. you are all wondering HOW???? For those of you who are BALLING you might think throwing away all your clothes and starting over…. But that’s not it, your tacky taste followed you into this new decade. Maybe buying new furniture??? Unless you plan on getting rid of those heathen children who don’t seem to understand their grubby hands and juicy cups create stains… don’t waste your time. Lets concentrate on an easier task… Starting a new trend and finally saying Sionara to the outdated, over-rated and just plain old past its prime Trends of yesteryear… Here are a few:
MOHAWKS
I must say there was a day that having a Mohawk was the sign of über trendyness….. There was also a day that a mohawk meant you were the outcast of society… That time has come back. Their should be some place where people go who have a 3 year delayed reaction to a trend and decided “Oh now I get it”, this has to be a medical illness. Seriously…. did you not notice everybody on TV and in the mall had a Mohawk? Unless you were locked up or recently got rescued from the Bermuda Triangle you have missed the boat. Better luck next time. Even worse, just because something is popular doesn’t mean its meant for you. There is a grade of hair that is meant for such a daring style like the Mohawk, and NAPPY isn’t it. Come on people (mainly my black folks) this is not your lane, turn left STAT!!!!! That nappy pretend Mohawk looks pitiful and makes me think you lost a dare. Then, to top it off…. I saw a homemade Mohawk. It wasnt lined up right, their really was no hair to actually make it a Mohawk…. It looked like the strip of hair you leave on your privates in the winter. You got a Cooch-Hawk!!!! That aint cute. Try just going bald, hell even a lace-front Jeri Curl wig… anything but the infamous Mohawk!
Also, while I am talking about hair… Ladies STOP shaving your hair on one side. It was dumb when Celebrities did it, and it looks even dumber when you do it. It took you 30 years to grow your struggling hair the length it is… and you gonna shave half of it off. WTH! Get some black gel and slick it to the side!
SWAG, SWAGGER, SWAGGA, SWAG-TASTIC, SWAGERIFFIC….
I am so over this word I can’t even find the words to express it (but I’ll try my best). This word was so Hip Hop and Urban… then Miley Cyrus started using it. That’s when I knew it was time to backspace and delete it out of my memory. Let’s be clear, Swagger started as a hood colloquialism… now EVERYONE has it. Just stop, please! It has been so over used and abused its not even funny. Besides past a certain age you shouldn’t have Swag… you should have manners and a job. Everything else is implied. But, to wrap this up…. We have all used it… past the point of no return. Now it is time to move on. Sooner rather than later.
DUMB MIDDLE NAMES ON FACEBOOK
This has got to be my newest and strongest pet peeve. Who the hell thought it would be a great idea to type a paragraph as your middle name? LaTasha GottaPayTheRent Jones?!?!?!?! Billy SleptWitYoBabyMama Johnson?!?!?!??!! You can’t be serious! There is this thing on Facebook you may not have heard of… it’s called a POST! Try it. That is where most people with sense type what is on their mind…. Whats even more mind-boggling is that it is ADULTS that do this! If nothing else, this should be the sign that what you are doing is wrong. Most kids try to emulate adults…. and they aren’t with this. Quit! As a matter of fact, delete your Facebook account. You are probably the ones posting your life story every second of the day and filling my news feed with nonsense. Go back to MySpace where you belong.
Color Me Glamorous 